I wish you could have stayed forever

nothing lasts
god knows
nothing lasts

not even god lasted

not even love lasted

not even beauty lasted

not even the ecstasy lasted

not even the drunken haze lasted

not even the dream lasted

nothing lasts
god knows
nothing lasts

not even your smile

not the warm feeling in my stomach

not the butterflies that came when I saw you

not the feeling of your hand in mine, my hand in yours

not even the memories of our feet kicking through autumn leaves

not even the taste of your kisses on those wintry nights
when we could see eachother's breath, until our lips met
then parted

not a thing
no
not a thing

not a hatred

not a jealousy

not a lie

not a betrayal

not a grief

not a pain

not a thing
not a feeling
not a thought

nothing

nothing lasts

everything passes

and yet
we cling on tight as fuck
in case we lose it
lose something

but, we lose everything - don't we?

Messiah Complex

He sat on that hillside.
It was a hillside that overlooked the city.
He could see the lights glimmering
through the darkness

The lights were
static
only moving
with each shuddered movement
of his eyes
of his body

the city lights trembled
as he cried
as he wept
for it
for the city

they were
arrogant tears
tears born out of a sense
of having more than them
having more
knowing more
as if, in him
were all abundance
as if he knew
what the fuck he was doing
and
where the fuck he was going

arrogant tears
that dare to care

arrogant tears
that dare to say
I do this because
I love you

As if he had something to give
that they didn't already have

tears for them
as if he could save them
as if he knew how to save himself

and, as these thoughts dawned on him
with the dawn
he packed up his meagre belongings
and thought about
the tears he cried
and he cried
for himself
and for his
own
feelings of
lostness
and his own longing
for direction and salvation.

Prayers from No-man's Land

The idea that another person
can be a medicine for
feeling alone
is merely
a quick-fix fantasy
born out the hunger

to be somewhere other
than here
someone other
than me
to have something other
than what I have got

plastering over the cracks
in who we are

chronic hunger
for an intimacy;
the keys to which
are secreted
in the deep folds
and recesses
of our
esoteric private histories
and not even
love or
companionship
will find them

I am alone
I am a stranger
to myself

I will remain alone
as long as I remain a stranger
to myself