Head in the Fire

If I told you to put your head in the fire

would you do it?

What about, if got lots of my mates to tell you

to put your head in the fire?

Would you do it then?

OK, well,

what about if I got lots of articles

printed in glossy magazines

and put on the shelves of shops around the world

telling you that you should stick your head in the fire??

would you do it then?

If I told you to do anything you didn't want to do

or that you didn't think was for your own good

would you do it?

So, if you do end up sticking your head in the fire

whose fault is it?

Who is to blame,

if you care about what I say

feel connected enough to my words

feel that they have power over your feelings;

whose fault is that?

Do we get pissed off

when trusting in

what others say about us

backfires on us?

Will we throw a tantrum

and attempt to shift the blame

onto the person

who betrayed our trust?

Do we get pissed off

because we long for some

good-enough parenting

and hope that society

is going to take on the role

of the all-sufficient caregiver

But it is nobodies job

to look after us any more

that is up to us,

the stabilisers are off

Be strong

Be independent

Be successful

Be a brave wee soldier

Be pretty

Be a good girl

Be a little princess

Be a perfect mother

Be nice

Be caring

Be gentle

Be lovely

There are a million voices

out there

and the only one you should listen to

isn't

it isn't out there

it is inside you

and the sooner we can all learn

to stop giving a shit about

what other people say

or

what other people think

and start living our own lives

for ourselves

the better

otherwise you'll find yourself

down at the emergency ward

with a burnt face

Fuck Plato

Fuck Plato

and his ideas

and fuck Aristotle too while you're at it

reifying reason

puffing us up with thought

thinking ourselves into

all kinds of entangled narcissisms

lulling us into the illusion

that we are greater than

the beasts

of the air and the earth

but

I could learn more about

life and living well

from watching the birds in the forest

or from the furry critters

that scramble around

in the autumn leaves,

than I could ever learn

from a beardy

navel-gazing

philosopher

of course

we can't blame them entirely

for our own shite,

our own disenchantments

they just spewed out ideas

that enough of us latched onto

something in the human

must have hungered

for a language that made us better,

the kind of better

that is less animal

and more divine,

less driven by impulse

and more ordained by god;

justified and set apart

holier than the rest of creation

more significant

more important

maybe that is the hunger

we all have locked within

to be more important

to be more significant

and all you need

is to stick a beardy philosopher

with big words and big ideas

into the same room

as a meaning-hungry human

with a few glasses of wine

for us to start believing

that we are more

significant

important

entitled

for us to start conjuring up

the audacities of colonialism

the civilising project

post-Plato

we felt civilised

no longer base and carnal

no longer primal and savage

and we saw that

disavowed animal-self

in those savage others

as we roamed

the earth that we thought was

now magically ours

unsurprisingly

we found them to be uncivilised

they had shamans

we had philosophers

they had paganisms

reverence and respect

we came loaded with disease:

smallpox, rationality and reason

and, if that's the kind of better

that western thought has given to the world

then you can shove it up Plato's arse sideways

The Blame Game

You make me feel this

you make me feel that

he made me feel so bla bla bla

she made me feel so yada yada yada

you would be amazed,

once you catch on to this

how often humans do it.

if you just switched on

to the conversations around you,

your ears would constantly prick

as you hear all the inventive ways

that humanoids have

for shifting blame onto others

now

this is not to say that

they are not experts at blaming themselves too

but that is often a fall-back plan

once our attempts at blaming others have fallen through

but, both self-blame and other-blame

are change-avoidant behaviours

that maintain the status quo

so, if you are happy with the status quo of your life

then just keeping playing the blame-game

it is a sure-fire way to keep yourself

exactly where you are right now

and you might even be able to manage to maintain

the same state for years and years to come

wouldn't that be good?!

Imagine how else we could use our limited energies

if we stopped putting them into

these shoddy methodologies

and if we stopped

telling stories

of blame

maybe instead

we would invest those same energies

into creating for ourselves

an ordinary kind of satisfaction

that was not dependent

on the performance of others:
whether families, societies, or lovers; 

in our narcissistic dramas
that help us keep our covers.

The Soul's Black Hole

When we focus on

what we don't have

we can end up

with our gazes becoming fixated

by the magnetism

of a black hole

a black hole

in your soul

that exists like

an infants desire

to have everything

every whim and wish

fulfilled instantly

by an omniscient goddess

a desire that becomes a demon

if you don't find salvation

on the dry land of the ordinary

for there is a far greater,

deeper, vaster ocean

of things you do not have

in your life

compared to the little island

of what you do have

and if your eyes get locked

by the pull

of that black hole

it will blind you

to the ordinary things

that are good enough

and that are

under your nose

right under your feet

good enough life

good enough work

good enough family

good enough friends

good enough pleasures

so, here's a toast to what we have

for it may well be good enough

How Life Ought to Be

The world is not fair

or unfair

the world simply

does not care

about me or you or anyone

and there is no way

that life ought to be

for there is no

pre-ordained standard

by which life can be measured

no standards

except ones we conjure up

in our imaginations

born

out of the

quagmire of our frustrations

as our infantile wishes and wills

get ignored, again and again

by a world that is not watching

and though we might prefer

the world to be a better place

inhabited by more considerate people

or prefer life

to be easier and more equal

filled with more opportunities

or prefer

that we had

more freedom and justice

or prefer that

you were more appreciated

or that you had more significance

or prefer that there was less

crime and corruption,

disease and dying,

suffering and sickness

it is not

that it ought

to be that way

it is just

because you wish it was

and if this, we come to accept

then morals are nothing but

a blank cheque

and we'd maybe be better off

talking about how we would like it to be

for ourselves, for others or for me

do something about it,

or make our peace with

the world that does not see

or

just continue moaning

about how life ought to be

Power Sharing Agreement

What we don't learn to do for ourselves, 
we ask, often indirectly, 
for others to do for us.

To be our surrogate mothers
to be our surrogate fathers
our surrogate caregivers
doing things for us
fixing things for us
as if they ought to
while we get to play the incompetent child
while it suits us to do so


and yet,


we will hate them for that very same reason
when they treat us like incompetent children
and patronise and parent
when we don't want them too


and there will never be equality between all of us 
coexisting humanoids
while there is always someone looking to someone else
to do something that they could learn to do for themselves


and if we become the do-er, the fixer, the dish washer, the cleaner


we steal the opportunity for an individual to learn to do that thing -
even if they decide never to do it


we glue ourselves into roles;
the role of the martyr, who must over-function
on behalf of their childish partner


we become the bitter victim
who reluctantly and hatefully performs tasks
that the other person won't do and
that we know we can do better

and we will claim that we get nothing out of it
after all, if they don't do it, who will??


And so it is, that we are often responsible for the vulnerability we feel in this economy; in this exchange of power. We put ourselves voluntarily at the mercy of an other.

Empowering ourselves, or surrendering our powers. 
Playing the parent, or playing the child.
Becoming the tyrant or the martyr.

Lebensraum

I know this may sound like a ridiculous idea

but, let me run it past you.

Actually, no, you'll just think I am crazy

hhhmmmm...

Well, ok, I'll risk embarrassing myself here.

Imagine we accepted people as they are

there ya go

there ya have it

I know,

I'm crazy in the coconut

Insane in the membrane

away with the fairies

It's so crazy

cos if we did that

we wouldn't get to nag someone

about what they don't do

or criticise them

for not doing something well enough

or coerce them

to do things they didn't want to do

or try to get them to dress better

and make more of an effort

we wouldn't be able to get annoyed at them for

feeling something on a particular day

or understanding something in a particular way

we would just have to like it or lump it.

Imagine...

it's madness isn't it.

Of course,

we would still be able to get annoyed

because we humanoids are wilful creatures

and generally get pissed off and frustrated

any time another persons' will

or the will of the world

goes against the grain of our own

but, we wouldn't really be justified

in taking out that annoyance on the other people

with whom we share our lives

we would just have to get over it and

deal with our frustrations

at the world not bowing down

to our desires and duties

preferences and priorities

I suppose, crazy as this idea may seem

the upside is,

that we would be accepted as we are too

and we wouldn't be asked to change

our feelings...our ways

our manners...our behaviours

our tastes...our rituals

but, flip, that almost sounds a little like

unconditional love

which is obviously just a fairytale

about a desire for something

we humanoids could never muster

you know! - that love that we wished we got

from parents and gods

to be accepted just as we are

us shameful sinners

but, it's obviously too much fun

being little dictators

and getting to bash the people we love

with our wills

to have our way

at another's expense

afterall,

creating a little Lebensraum

never hurt anyone, did it?

Seasonal Sedation

I used to associate Winter with Depression

and the more I feared the possibility of Depression

the more it seemed to get a hold of me

But, when I started to go out,
and to pay attention to the rest of nature

respond to the diminishing amount of light.

I saw animals making preparations

for those more sparse months

Scurrying-Squirrels stashing beech nuts

Jays hopping around the Oaks burying acorns

and watched the flora

shrinking away,

saving itself to unfurl with

the fresh new light of Spring.

And, I realised, that it is ok

to become a little more hibernative

Fern-like, and Squirrel-like

to cosy up, and get wrapped up

and reduce our level of activity

to become a little more stagnant

and use that harbour

to gestate new visions for the Spring

I think it is important

to give a nod of acknowledgement

to the change of seasons

seasons that we city-dwellers

can become detached from

as we glare at computer screens

and TV screens, and mobile phone screens

all these screens,

screening us from this other reality

that exists outside of pixel-land

and nature shows us how to do it

and we used to do it, and know it

when we were more pagan and less urban

and we have lost sight of what is natural in us

we have lost touch with our animal-selves

we have created expectations of our behaviour

that are not formed

by the stories of where we have come from

but are created out of the abstractions

of what we think we ought to be

of how we ought to perform

by work-ethics, and security-seeking

by money-making, and mortgage paying

by an idea of constancy and immutability

over and above being human

What I am saying is this:

it is OK to feel more sedate

as the light diminishes

but, if we call these seasonal feelings

depression

we call it unacceptable

like an expectant parent

disappointed at the child

who doesn't want to dance

the more we

use big meaningful words

to describe these changes,

the more significance

we give to something

that is entirely human and ordinary

we judge it

as inappropriate

and needing to be changed

as if measuring our performance

against the standard of

other-normal-humans

but

we are creatures

we are light-respondent creatures

give yourself a ritual

that is a celebration of the season past

toast all that you experienced

the ease and the difficulty

and turn to bow

to the season to come

and focus not on the loss

of what has been and gone

but, on

the unstoppable procession

the necessity of the passing

from resistance to embrace

that nothing is everlasting

The Annoyed Pharisee

Let me share with you, a piece of invaluable wisdom:

When you put the toilet roll on the holder, make sure the open end rolls up and over from the back towards the toilet, not the other way. The other way is the wrong way. I have just shared with you the right way to put the toilet roll on the holder.

Also,

when you wash the dishes put all the cutlery, with the exception of sharp knives, handle-down in the dish rack. Any other way of doing this is wrong, plain and simple.

Of course, I'm kidding...but I'm not

Do you know what I mean?

Do you ever realise that your preferences have somehow become more than a list of preferences, and have mysteriously slipped into the realm of morality? Of course, if you live on your own, these preferences can secretly be maintained, in splendid isolation, and one can maintain the mask of sanity in this regard. However, when two-become-one, or just share the same space under the same roof for any length of time, one can come to realise how crazy our acted-behaviours and thought-behaviours seem to be.

We can become little behavioural Pharisees with lists of additional rules and regulations, getting all wound up when the others in our world don't comply with the laws that we live our lives by. This hidden frustration can build and build...and initially the Pharisee may just undo the crime, by turning the toilet roll around, or picking up after the criminal. Of course, only saints and martyrs can maintain this course indefinitely. But, for most, this inner frustration and hidden correction, can just add to the feeling of inner tension and stress, and eventually must come out. Venting can come in the form of angry scribbles on notes left for the offender in order to correct their offending behaviour. It can then either erupt into rage against the offender, or a serious conversation can be had, to discuss the offending behaviour.

Have you ever done this? Does this sound like you?

When I put it like this, you would probably be embarrassed to admit it, and yet, I want to stand up right now and claim ownership of that behaviour. I have been that person, and I am sure before the day I die, I will behave like that again to some degree or other. Of course, others may not see anything problematic with their Pharisaic code, and simply wish that everyone else abided by it.

Now, I am not saying all this out of a sense of shame for my own behaviour, or to shame anyone else for the same. I am simply wanting to shine a light, on that little transition from preference to morality, and how we play it out on the others in our lives, and often important-others in our lives.

Unfortunately, we can end up treating strangers better than we treat our loved-ones, as those strangers are fortunately distant enough not to offend us. It is the ones we draw close to, and that we share our selves and spaces with, who end up suffering our angry withdrawals, disappointments, resentments or rage.

How do we live in a world of different others? Others, who live by a different code, by different beliefs about how to live well. These are our own personal cultures, the cultures of our hearts, even if they are more like a history of habits; they are our habits, and their habits, and in as much, they are important to us, as if they were connected sensitively to our fragile identities.

So how do we go about coming close to other cultures? Do we attempt to overlook the difference and focus on an idealised, or romanticised sense of similarity, hoping to avoid the potential points of conflict? Or do we focus on the difference and get stuck in the quicksand of intractable tensions?

There are no easy answers.

But, I do know [read as 'best guess'] that tensions ease, when you admit that your laws are your laws, and that they are preferences that have become idols, and do not need to be the preferences of any other who inhabits this planet. Of course, we may really believe that this planet would be a better place, neater place, more orderly kind of place if we all did things the way we do...but it isn't...so we'll just have to get over it.

I also know [read as 'best guess'], that a lot of this inner tension is made worse, by our feelings of personal significance and importance. We can end up behaving like these things mattered, taking ourselves oh-so-seriously, as if our rituals and mythologies had become all-encompassing realities for the world. Well, they aren't, and we'd do better by getting over that too.

And, I also know [read as 'best guess'] that we often take out our real stresses, in lives that we are too afraid to change, on the more tangible, inconsequential aspects of our lives, by picking on the things you would love to change in others. Things, that when it came down to it, you would probably admit to not considering that important, but, when harbouring deep existential frustrations, or pains, they become the bane of the dissatisfaction in your life. Well, they are inconsequential, and we'd find it much easier if we stopped wasting our energies by focusing on the behaviour of others that are close to us, and using those same limited energies to find our own personal sense of satisfaction, or making our peace with the world-as-it-is.

If the small things in our lives have become more important than they ought, we have probably lost sight of something else...and if we have lost sight of something else, there is a good chance that it is intentional blindness to something that we don't want to see, for fear of us having to take responsibility for our lives and make hard decisions, or a blindness to some of the harsher realities of life that we don't yet want to come to terms with.

Of course, it is far easier to have a go at someone else isn't it, because it keeps them wrong and keeps you right, or more importantly, helps us maintain a blindness toward ourselves whilst fixating on the speck of dust in the other's eye, or their scruffy appearance, or in the position they leave the toilet seat, or the kind of mess they are able to tolerate, or the amount they drink, or the company they keep...or...

Just Passing Time

You said you are just passing time

Between now and death

and

I am too

Just passing time

between now and death

yet

I would rather stretch my legs a little

before death comes

to end my possibilities

and breathe in a few full lungs of fresh air

before death comes

to take my responsibilities

and enjoy a little loving

before death comes

to steal my faculties

and share the embrace of friendship

before death comes

and takes my opportunities

and

it doesn't mean anything

it never did

and

it doesn't need to now

while we are passing our time

between this-now and that-now

Here I am

We are born

born into

someone else's choice

the first power-play

to which we are blind

until

we come to see

once we awake

if we awake

into the thrown-ness

here I am

existing

propelled by

the movements and meanings

of particular others

by the desires and dictates

of those all-too familiar others

and now

here I am

existing

and

aware

what now?

Accept their meanings,

And ask no further?

Reject their meanings,

and begin anew?

Here I am

Longing for the ease of hand-me-down meanings

to be found acceptable in the eyes of others

yet

Longing for the satisfaction of a life

tailored to my own fulfilment

regardless of affirmations

Torn; ripped asunder

now exhausted by being torn

now protecting

now numb

Here I am

existing

at the crossroads

everyday

at the crossroads

wanting to decide?

having to decide?

now refusing to decide

now convinced

there is no decision worth making

anyway...

anyway...

here I am

What does Meaning Mean?

What does meaning mean?

I used to refer to myself as a nihilist

and this is true to the extent

that I was saying that I don't believe there is

or ever has been

an overarching meaning, or inherent meaning

to human existence.

I rather believe that it simply has come to be;

it simply is

and that we like telling stories about that.

However, I am going to tentatively posit

that I do still believe in life with meaning

[don't faint with shock just yet!]

When it comes to meaning,

I think one of the main questions for me

is not whether there is meaning to life or not

but,

whether you accept the meanings

that are given to you by your

family, society, church, peers or culture etc

or

whether you learn to tell your own stories

and create your own meanings.

So, for me, the question of meaning

is really more closely related

to the question of conformity

versus individuality

Accepting or maintaining our family's meanings

for example

has a certain easiness to it,

even if within it

we try to express our own little unique flourish

However,

to forge out something new,

requires far more existential energy

an energy that some never manage to muster.

Not that the latter is more virtuous, as

I imagine that it is more a matter of habit

than of virtue

Neither choice being any better than the other

I also think that when we talk of meaning,

there are at least two varieties of meaning.

There are meanings that are thought

and meanings that are felt.

When I was young and feeling alive

and playing and exploring

I wasn't overly concerned with what any of it meant.

Yet, it felt in those moments, entirely meaningful.

Of both theses varieties of meaning,

it is the latter which matters more to me now,

but, due to the journey I have been on

it is one that I am having to actively reclaim

or,

at least, actively let go of the thought-meaning

in order to experience more of the felt-meaning.

In some ways they both seem in conflict with each other;

the more I strive for thought-meaning

the less I seem able to embrace felt-meaning

we can ask all the questions of the day about

thought-meaning

from the safety of our armchairs and toilet seats

but,

when it comes to felt-meaning

we must risk

ourselves against the world

experiencing ourselves in varieties of relationship

challenging ourselves

putting ourselves to doing things

exploring, venturing, trying.

Our lives can then become abundant with meaning,

but, it is not a meaningfulness that can be

analysed by the mind that is hungry for

thought-meaning,

for felt-meaning cannot be easily explained

or defined or justified;

it cannot be proven or argued,

it can only be experienced and felt.

If one busies themselves

with the quest for thought-meaning

even in order to find meaning for the

pursuit of felt-meaning

they will be chasing their tails;

shooting themselves in the proverbial foot.

Tail-chasing

is a past-time that seems inherent

in the realm of thought-meaning

within the world of thought-meaning

one can conjure up all sorts

of unsolvable problems and paradoxes that

could inspire ecstasy

or inject despair.

Yet, within the realm of felt-meaning

there doesn't appear to be this same dilemma.

At worst,

there are hard decisions,

difficult circumstances

and conflicting feelings

but none of these are like

omnipotent gods creating unmovable stones

or 

finding the all-encompassing point to life.

When one who embraces thought-meaning

encounters the one who embraces felt-meaning

there is a disparity,

one relaying facts and figures

about points needing proved,

the other sharing stories

about feelings felt.

neither of which is more virtuous than the other

simply different,

but...

if it is all pointless,

then even finding a point is pointless

and you can either work, rest and play

or twiddle your thumbs

ruminating occasionally

over the pointlessness of it all

neither of which is more virtuous than the other

simply different.