When Tenderness Hurts

I just can't get there
I feel trapped in me
There is a better place
but it is beyond me

I can feel this thing around my heart
the emotional cling-film
it's suffocating me

clammed-up and stagnant
the stifling humidity
of this concealed world
that even my own eyes cannot
pierce

I cannot muster enough light
with which to penetrate
that dark

if only my eyes looked upon myself
with the tenderness
that I wish I had known
yet
all I do, and continue to do
is to amplify and echo the harsh
voices and verdicts
that accompanied my childhood
at least
they are the ones I remember

how do you learn to do what you have never done?

were there redeeming memories?

this is true
but
it's not true enough
there have been faint whispers
from time to time
that although barely discernible,
were tender enough
to bring tears to my eye

because tenderness hurts sometimes
and sometimes its the last thing you want