Ye Must Be Born Again

Ye must be born again!

Of course, I don't believe that you or ye must be born again, after all, you can do whatever the fuck you like. We can all do whatever the fuck we like, whether we choose to or not. We don't have to be born again at all. We can continue to live as we live, for as long as we want to. Some are more than happy with they way they do life, and living and relationships. For us others, we have suffered frustrations and disillusionment, we have fallen foul of expectations and disappointment. We have yearned for something easier and simpler, something that seemed at the time, too far out of human reach.

Most people around us, just pat us on the back, and hope that our next lovers [friends, colleagues etc] will be better suited to us, and that circumstances will change in our favour. Most people around us are just as afraid of change as we are, and are just as willing for you to maintain your status-quos, as they are to maintain their own.

However, patting each other on the back, and reinforcing unsustainable behaviours, does not promote the better life for anyone. Instead, I want to utter words that speak of redemption.

To be born again:

from darkness, into the light

from womb into wildness

from bondage into freedom

from heaviness into lightness

from lethargy into vitality

from dependency into dance

from clinging into loosening

from poverty into abundance

from blaming into journeying

from expectation into acceptance

from disillusionment into fresh vision

from disappointment into re-crafted stories

this may sound like mystical mumbo-jumbo to some of you

and for some, they need it to remain as mystical mumbo-jumbo

so that they can avoid the kind of self-awareness

that might evoke uncomfortable change

but, for some others

they may seek out the paths

as faint as they may be

and start putting one foot in front of the other

and start moving slowly and hesitantly

toward somewhere better

not emptily for the sake of others

but in the good-enough act of self-nurturance

it will never look the same in each person

for we are all emerging out of our own histories

into tellings and re-tellings of our tomorrows

there are no answers,

but there are scents we might follow

there are traces and signs of ways

and in this,

I wish you well

for oftentimes the road does not rise to meet us

Cosy at the Crossroads

Oftentimes we mix up freedom with possibility.

This is the mistake of capitalistic democracies, that sell us the idea of freedom but appease and sedate us with lots of options, however, it is a very human mistake. We think that freedom is the availability of possibility, and so we sit at the crossroads surrounded by hundreds of avenues, and we set up camp at the crossroads, thinking that we are free-er there.

Yet, freedom, in a seemingly paradoxical way, is expressed through choosing a path to venture on. What I am suggesting, is that freedom is best expressed with intentional self-limitation. Does that make sense?

It isn't actually paradoxical at all, it is simply the contrast of the illusions we like to maintain about ourselves, and the reality of what we are actually doing. Of course, no-one can really tell what the illusion or reality is for each individual...these are the kinds of secrets we can even keep from ourselves...the truth about what we are doing, and why we are doing it. Do we keep ourselves hooked on the idea of freedom, but stay appeased by the availability of options? Only we can tell the truth about that...to ourselves, and for ourselves.

Of course, in admitting that we have set up camp at the crossroads, we encounter the reasons why we haven't set off on any of those roads. We encounter our fears, anxieties and probably a vast arsenal of protective thoughts, that help to keep us safe and sound in the status quo. Hedged into our safer worlds with stockpile of rusty excuses.

Maybe we fear failure,

by the standards of significant others

or

by the more impossible standards we have set ourselves.

Maybe we fear success,

afraid, that to succeed is to offend someone.

Maybe we feel that the world is set against us;

that good things just don't happen to us.

Maybe we are afraid of doing what we want

for fear of upsetting someone else.

Maybe we are afraid that if we set off on one path,

that we will miss out on another.

Maybe we are just afraid of leaving the safety

because we have become addicted to ease.

There is obviously a time for both of these things at different times in our lives. A time for venturing out on a new path that we have chosen, even if only temporarily. There is also a time to reflect on what possibilities are available to us; which of those lie open, and which of those need effort and commitment. All the time, weighing up the investment of our efforts against the reward we get from the risks.

Wherever you are at...I wish you grace for yourself for the journey, if you choose to go on one.

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

Families are the place

where we develop our own

particular preferences

for participation

and

for separation

we discover our own desire

for belonging

and

for escaping

for being together

and

for being alone

depending on the role we played in our family

we will get greater or lesser rewards

for belonging and participation

and

greater or lesser reward

for separation and escaping

the former reward coming from the others

who pat us on the back for participating

the latter reward coming from ourselves

for there is no one else around to reward us

those that don't participate are often seen as selfish

selfish, for having other ideas

selfish, for having other desires

selfish, for having other values

selfish, for having other priorities

selfish, for having other beliefs.

This is the nature of conformity

within any system

and families

are a system like any other

with its instigators and enablers

with its scapegoats and martyrs

with its saints and sinners

with its black sheep and bum-licks

Christmas is a family time

Even for those without families

it is a family time

we all know it,

even if we locked ourselves away

in bomb shelters,

that Christmas

is a family time

and, as Christmas time approaches

some people get excited,

because of what they experienced in their families

either through actuality,

or through edited memory

and for some

this excitement and anticipation

is reversed,

triggering something more like

a sense of dread

and foreboding

The participators and conformers

tend to not understand those that

experience this dread and foreboding

and wonder why

they just can't get along

telling them that they are making it

more difficult for themselves

if only you played ball,

life would be so much more enjoyable

and so it might

and so it might

Tangled up in Reason

In my opinion

our rational faculties

are best used

to do

something like

reading the stars

in order to navigate

the seas we find ourselves in

When our reason and rationale

are used to create

nothing more than worlds of control

which we lose ourselves in

and constrain ourselves with

we cannot move freely

we cannot be pragmatic

we become well-thought out

well-read, and well-wise

but weighted down

and tangled up

we know the laws of logic

but

we do not know our own hearts

we know the arguments

inside out

but,

we don't really know

what side of those arguments

we want to find ourselves on

I have probably said this

hundreds of times before

but,

I think that rationality

is just a grandiose word to describe

a process of internalising;

and this internalising

is not much more

than knitting and weaving

a security blanket in our minds

that we can retreat to

from the anxieties and frustrations

we experience in a world of others.

we can be fooled into

respecting rationality too much

smart, intellectual, clever, wise, intelligent

who gives a shit if we are

knowledgeable or clever

if we do not know how to live well

or if we cannot figure out what that might look like

at best,

we might use our rational faculties

to help us in the midst of our existence

to know ourselves

to know how to meet our needs

to know how to relate to others,

in ways that are mutually beneficial

to know how to make our way through our everyday,

without falling over or blowing up or burning out

at every unpredicted move of an other

or every unexpected swell of our own feelings

at best,

our rational faculties,

help us to live

rather than hinder us in living

help us to move

rather than paralysing us

What would our society look like if it

respected people who had achieved this

and took them as our model of success

imagine a society that held well-being

as a measure of our success in life

rather than

financial gain, academic gain, vocational gain

and, so, let me end with this seasonal blessing:

"may we use our brains, to find our hearts

like Magi,

searching out

the birth of something promising"

Charts for the Storms

Feeling low, shit, 
down, depressed,
down in the dumps, 
in the doldrums, 
negative, meh?

whatever you want to call it,

our instinct in these times

is often to withdraw,

to batten down the hatches

seal our selves away

curl up in a little ball,

sometimes a proverbial one,

sometimes a literal one;

to create a cave of control

where you are not connected

Slouching into an

attempted state of not thinking

not thinking about caring

as if to not think about caring

is to not care

and to not care is to not connect

I like the term Cave-time

Cave-time, isn't always

as dark and defensive as this,

and is often just

a much needed time

of recuperation

to be alone

to be unproductive

and un-obliged

and unsocial

but sometimes

the cave is a womb;

a darkness,

that looks enough like death

to feel safe.

I know it is fucking hard

to survive ourselves in the midst

of our own storms,

or those triggered by others,

but,

what I want to emphasise is:

it is a very useful thing,

in the times of ease and plenty

to prepare our minds

for the the times of difficulty

We learn to the read the stars

so that in the rough seas

we can find a way through,

without getting too lost

We find our own personal stars

create our own charts

to map our souls

so that we may discover ourselves

to the edges

Not Self Centred Enough

There are those that stiffen when threatened, but there are others that give themselves up entirely.

These puppets and puppeteers never learn who they truly are; only ever feeling valuable, when they are accommodating and pleasing others, or expecting others to accommodate and please them. They only feel alive in a nexus of need. They need to be needed, or need to be needing...with bulging eyes aimed at an other. They may feel bereft of meaning in their lives when those others, who play their parts in this drama of need, leave for one reason or another. The puppet flops to the ground, the puppeteer feels obsolete.

In the wake of separation the distraction evaporates, the reflection is left still, and the face is not recognised, or found to be repulsive.

The emptiness gets filled with tokens, trinkets and charms, chosen over and against the terrifying possibility of discovering who they are, and what they want. Terrorised by the thought, that they may discover an insatiably hungry soul for which no satisfaction could be found. It is a far easier thing to know or guess what someone else wants and to attempt to satisfy that, even if the attempts chronically backfire...than it is to go on the journey of knowing what you want. Alternatively, others look to someone to hold responsible for meeting their needs; others who will be scape-goated and blamed when those needs aren't met.

These positions are maintained with a toolbox of blind-spots and self-ignorance. Preferring to write stories of trust and betrayal, hope and paranoia, than attempt anything like discovering the truth. The truth about themselves...the truth about the world out there. Their stories are laden with power dynamics and agendas...control, trust, manipulation, obligation, duty. All of which are stories that provide a scapegoat at the ready; a sleight of hand to avoid what is really going on under the surface.

For some, this surface is dead calm, an eerily dead calm, that has no life or animation about it. It may come across to some as a lovely peaceful demeanour, or for others just entirely bland and uninteresting. A façade of calm that hides inner-rages and venomous bites.

For others, it is a turbulent surface, with squalls of giddiness and and a flurry of emotional gestures, which often attracts people with its curious texture. But, what lies underneath could be anybody's guess, the storminess utilised as a distraction to avoid the still reflection.

How do we relate to others?

What relational habits do we have?

Do they work?

Are these questions we want to ask, or ones we want to avoid?

How far would we go, to avoid asking these questions of ourselves?

Do we stiffen when we come into contact with others...or do we give ourselves up and over entirely...is there another better way?