Thrown-ness

Thrown into the world
but
not quite thrown
forced into the world:
from safety into chaos

into a world of separateness
of others
separate-others
a world,
terrifying with possibilities,
of possible outcomes

and most of them
radically beyond our control

we feel vulnerable
at the mercy of the world
and yet, in many ways,
we long to be at the mercy again
but, the mercy of that
dark tranquil sea
where
we are radically dependent
but looked after
where everything is looked after
where we are held

and as we tentatively grow
we find temporary places
like
refuge shelters
safer places
to evoke the memory
of that once-sacred union
so intensely together

that time when there was no separateness
the time of radical dependence
when we were powerless,
but we were looked after
by a raw chemistry

a nature that knew our needs
and responded instantly
like a benevolent God
who answered prayers
before they were even known
in the heart of the believer

places of focus
places of concentration
places of fixation
places of fascination
places of forgetfulness
places of letting go

to offset the terror of this harsh world
a world too harsh for the likes of me and you

we learnt to dream
of magic wands
and
fantasies of control
of moving things, changing things
rearranging things, altering things
making things different
than they are
different
than they were

and as we grow,
we can find ourselves longing to have control over
other people in our worlds
desiring
to change feelings, to make things better
longing to have more control
to know what we cannot know
to be where we cannot be
to do what we cannot do

because this life is far too harsh
far too harsh
for the likes of you and me