Master of this Ship

The child within is at the helm of this ship

charting a course toward its own satisfaction

this is why I am not master of my own ship

for the I is the created ego

the creation, the facade,

the presentation, the public face.

There are much more primary things

hidden things

that go on under the presentation

that go on under the mask of civilisation

and sociability

there is a hidden economy

we will meet our needs

any which way but lose

The child at the helm, is not vulnerable

not like we make out

the child is not innocent

innocence is a nostalgic projection made by

the adulterated children, we call adults

we were never innocent

we are need-meeters

and play whatever role we can to do this

we always did

we are highly skilled at it

we just like to kid ourselves into thinking otherwise

we have always tried to meet our needs

even at the expense of others

even in the womb we were doing this

and nothing much has changed

and we hate it when the world

does not dance around our needs and desires,

like a servant to our whims.

We desire reciprocity

We want people to want what we want, when we want it, and how we want it

The reciprocation of desire

the desire for synchronicity

the longing for the world to dance with us

but, often it feels like the world is sitting out the dance

when you desire something, and reality isn't obliging,

we can feel dejected, as the myth crumbles

reality stands in the way

life is a competition of needs

relationships are a competition of needs

we just play the game

of plausible deniability

denying how involved we are

in playing roles

playing innocent

but, we were never innocent...and that is ok

we were never innocent,

and that does not make us worse human beings

we were always foraging around in the world around us, 

trying to get our needs met

even as children, we were very clever, 

and learnt to manipulate people and circumstances

it is just that somewhere along the journey, 

we forgot that we were doing it

we became blind-spotted to it.

but, it is ok...it is nothing to be ashamed of

it is ok to meet your needs...it is ok to do what you need to do

even if that pisses off other people

even if you meeting your needs triggers difficult feelings in others.

it is ok to do what you need to do.

the trick is, knowing what it is we need to do

that is the greater conundrum by far