Everything in its Own Time

"There is a time for everything under the sun" 

Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3

There are many things in life that are beyond our control, and yet, despite them being outside of our control, we often still attempt to mould these things with our wills: or alternatively, we resent them, spending our limited energies in fostering the bitterness of redundant wishes. So, the alternative is to struggle, strain and strive, to no useful end. We expend our energy, wanting what cannot be had, or wishing for life to be different than it is, or fantasising about another version of our selves that we have never been.

We wish for sunshine when there is rain. Wish for Spring, when it is Autumn.

I think this applies to our feelings, and this is what I want to focus on. I don't think we can control our feelings [this isn't entirely true...but, I think the attempt is damaging in the long term], nor do I think we should. However, I do believe that when we stop resisting our feelings, and attempting to control them, the more able to grow along side them in equity, not in tyranny. A lot of energy is wasted when we feel bad, shameful or guilty, about feeling a particular feeling. Let me put it like this:

Feeling shit about feeling shit, doesn't make feeling shit any better.

Do you know what I mean?

I am saying something like this...dance with your feelings. Sometimes that dance will be an extravagant tango, at other times a slow waltz, at others a more melancholy swaying...and sometimes your feelings won't want to dance, and you might be lucky to get a game of scrabble or a short stroll out of them. But, whatever it is, don't resist them. If you feel shit because your feelings won't tango, then accept a humble game of scrabble.

I am sure we have all experienced this scenario, in one way or another: someone attempting to coerce another to dance. Instead of accepting the hesitation to dance, one partner engages in emotional bribery to get their desired outcome. This emotional bribery, usually does nothing but congeal the hesitancy, which then solidifies into something closer to a rebellious protest.

There is a good chance, that the person might actually have gotten up to strut their funky stuff on the dance floor, once they had seen the fun being had by the others. They would have wanted to join in, to participate, but on their own terms. The attempt to coerce, or to make the other feel bad for not playing ball with their whims, doesn't actually get the desired result. It is a waste of energy. Even if the person does give in, the energy that is generated, is weighted with, not a little, residual reluctance and resentment. Dancing isn't dancing if it is forced. Dancing is at best an expression of freedom and liberation.

So, does this make it any clearer?

Feeling shit, about feeling shit, doesn't make feeling shit any better

There is a time for everything under the sun. A time for giving birth, a time for dying; a time for planting, a time for harvesting; a time for killing, a time for healing; a time for knocking down, a time for building; a time for tears, a time for laughter; a time for mourning, a time for dancing; a time for throwing stones away, a time for gathering them; a time for embracing, a time to refrain from embrace; a time for searching, a time for losing; a time for keeping, a time for discarding; a time for tearing, a time for sewing; a time for keeping silent, a time for speaking; a time for loving, a time for hating; a time for war, a time for peace.