Some of us have become so composed with adulthood that we have become rigid, and we have lost the strength of flexibility. As life breaks against us, those with flexible ideas of themselves, sway a little, absorb a little, and remain intact. For those who have become rigidly sane and adult, they set themselves up for a breakdown. When faced with the forces of life they come crumbling down. Their idea of themselves shatters into pieces.
Why is this?
It is because our identities are anchors that we made as children: adolescent and pre-pubescent pragmatism, grasping at any available material to hedge ourselves against the uncertainty of existence outside of a womb, away from the undivided attention of doting mothers [for those that had them]. As our caregivers start putting their own needs above ours, we start the project of identity formation, for those that were neglected, this may start far earlier. We were already behaving in particular ways, accumulating a little repertoire of habits, but, these were always fairly responsive and pragmatic.
What were once responsive and pragmatic habits, soon become concrete. Our identities become protective walls that help us to feel safer in a world that abounds with the wills of others. In a world where others have beliefs about how to live, and how we should behave, and who we ought to be, we can feel like we are blown around by the waves created by other's beliefs, feelings and expectations.
They solidify, become strong, rigid, stubborn and immobile. They lose the playfulness of childhood. When they fall they hurt, and they find it hard to return to their feet. They take themselves, and the things they put themselves to, seriously. They weigh everything down with meaning, and nothing has lightness any more. It is life without surprise, and although this disappoints, it is exactly what their repertoire of behaviours is designed to do...reduce risk, reduce possibility, limit options.
No alarms, no surprises.
Stoic until we crumble. Strong until we slump. Stubborn until broken.
And serious about it all until the bitter end.
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