You wake up
you wake up with a heavy feeling
it feels like a millstone around your neck
you feel it pulling you down
and down, and further down
into where?
into you
into the darkest most terrifying parts
of you
but the millstone is not tied
around your neck
you
are
holding
on
to
it
tightly
oh so tightly
clinging to it
like a child
to a
security blanket
in an insecure world
it is yours
but it is not you
you made it
through a history of grinding
will against will
existence against existence
and you have shared yourself
and given yourself
in its making
but it is not in your gut
though you feel it there,
and you do not have to go down
with it
and you don't have to drown
with it
today
not today
and maybe you can find the surface again
and look through jaded eyes
to find
dry land
today
and maybe tomorrow
you will remember
to hold your feelings more lightly
like the hold of a healthier kind of love
that we were never taught
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