Here I am

We are born

born into

someone else's choice

the first power-play

to which we are blind

until

we come to see

once we awake

if we awake

into the thrown-ness

here I am

existing

propelled by

the movements and meanings

of particular others

by the desires and dictates

of those all-too familiar others

and now

here I am

existing

and

aware

what now?

Accept their meanings,

And ask no further?

Reject their meanings,

and begin anew?

Here I am

Longing for the ease of hand-me-down meanings

to be found acceptable in the eyes of others

yet

Longing for the satisfaction of a life

tailored to my own fulfilment

regardless of affirmations

Torn; ripped asunder

now exhausted by being torn

now protecting

now numb

Here I am

existing

at the crossroads

everyday

at the crossroads

wanting to decide?

having to decide?

now refusing to decide

now convinced

there is no decision worth making

anyway...

anyway...

here I am